All of us, at one point of time, have gawked at those perfectly sculpted actors and actresses, playing vampires on the screen. Ian Somerhalder, Robert Pattinson, Nina Dobrev and many others form the list. But have you ever imagined these actors, showing their fangs and being a vampire, in a desi setting? Some of us might have. But, I personally believe, that vampire themed movies/TV series, can never be set up in an Indian backdrop. Especially, in our Delhi. Here are the reasons, why Delhi will never be an ideal location for vampires :
1. Because, Heat.
According to the Edward Cullen theory in the Twilight series, vampires repel heat and sunlight. They cannot come out in the sunlight or else they will become a mobile diamond jewellery shop! And when it comes to Delhi, one of the main features of this city is the infamous Delhi heat. With all that abundant Vitamin D, this city becomes an impossible location for a Vampire act.
2. Too much pollution – More vehicles in Delhi than people!
Now, even if we don’t particularly follow the Twilight series theory of Vampires shining like diamonds in the sun, we still cannot ignore the fact that the vampires have a pale skin. And Delhi heat and dust and pollution will tarnish the perfect “fair and lovely” skin of the vampires. They will loose all their beauty to the wretches of the pollutants in this city! Not happening.
3. CP ke jams!
Another immensely important point. We know that vampires have a super power of running really fast and switching locations in a matter of seconds. With all that traffic on the roads of the city, how are they to do so? Also, the thullas have sharp eyes. So, no.
4. Delhi Metro – Kejru’s Dhanno!
Vampires are meant to be really fast. But they will have a tough competition here! The Delhi Metro. Kejru won’t like anyone challenging his city’s dhanno!
5. No Chole bhatoores for the pale skinned!
Rule 1 : Vampires repel garlic.
Rule 2: Many Vampires have love interests with humans.
Rule 3 : Humans in Delhi cannot live without street food, or food in general.(which probably has garlic in it).
Rule 4 : Delhiites cannot possibly ditch food/taste.
Conclusion : No human love interest. No story. No vampires.
P.s. Who knew the innocent garlic would be a drawback in the location!
6. Immortality – No secrets from the aunties of Delhi!
Vampires are immortal. Delhi has CCTV cameras everywhere, ie. the aunties and the uncles. It will take only one year for Pammi aunty to notice that her neighbours are weird and that the female in their house has no white strands of hair. And when Pammi aunty goes to her (female vampire) asking “ki unki evergreen jawaani ka raaz kya hai?”, the innocent vampire cannot possibly answer, “Blood hai ji!”